I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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