ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
