he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
