i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
