Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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