Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
