So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
