There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
