remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
