On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you traded sex for a burrito?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
