omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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