and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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