just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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