If that was your dad, he is hot
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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