Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
