one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
