I'm going to jail i love you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
