I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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