Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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