Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
