Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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