He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
