I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
