Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
