even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
