My Higher Power is John Stamos
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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