Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
