Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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