I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
