Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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