matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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