I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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