Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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