I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
