there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize