but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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