Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
3pm strippers are depressing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
