You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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