so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We are all done wearing pants today
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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