Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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