i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
