if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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