I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
