tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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