somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
