Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
