I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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