I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
a search helicopter?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
