this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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