What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it's like iHOP with fire
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
