Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
