i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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