Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
