stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
