YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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