Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
