Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
