Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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