If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
