i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
