And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
