singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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