and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
