Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
