I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
