were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
