a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
