is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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