I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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