I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
