it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
