I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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