Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
