yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
