The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
